Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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