its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
