I will die if light touches me.
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Randomize