Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
