Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
He did a backflip because drugs
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