you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Are my feet made of real feet?
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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