So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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