i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Please don't give away my fajitas
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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