I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Randomize
