I am in a vortex of obligation.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
