just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
Define "chronic" masturbator.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
