I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
