Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
splinters make it hard to masturbate
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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