the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
