i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
