As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
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