If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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