He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
