I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Randomize
