Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Randomize
