my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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