guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
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