I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Randomize
