ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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