Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Randomize
