Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
I am full of burrito and curiosity
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
tell me about the eggs
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
