Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize