gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
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