Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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