i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
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