im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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