I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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