Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
