im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
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