I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
