We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Randomize
