How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
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