I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
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