I want to stick my p in your. b.
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
