we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
