OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
