We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
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