the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
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