I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
