I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Randomize
