Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
