you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Randomize
