So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
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