I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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