Swine flu. Run for my life!
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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