I faked an abortion last night.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
