pedialite and red bull = repair kit
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Two words: blizzard sex
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
