Cold hands, warm shart.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Randomize
