if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
He better not be in your backpack
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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