the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Randomize
