His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
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