There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
