I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
