Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize