Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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