hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
