Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
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