The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
i was born a porn star she said
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
