im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
