Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
