The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
