I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Randomize
