Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Randomize
