these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
