you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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