did you get engaged???
Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
