I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
