oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
