If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
