so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Randomize
