4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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