I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
