So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Randomize
