Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
