Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
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