'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
