thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize