So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
