Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
