onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
i came on her dog
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
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