YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Where is the hickey?
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Randomize
