He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Randomize
