Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
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